NEVER GOOD ENOUGH//

   Have you ever felt like you're never good enough, no matter what you do? Do you ever get sick of being judged? It's never gonna change, i'm just starting to realise the harsh reality. hear me out.

    Here i am in my bed with my lappy on my thighs, thinking through everything. Sad to say, regretting every shit i've done. Everyone has that time right? The time where you just feel like you're wrong, so damn wrong.

    Yes, i wasn't the brightest,the nicest, the most friendliest girl a couple of years back. Sorry. But don't you think it's unfair? Doesn't anyone commit mistakes? Here i ask myself, why me? I've tried to change,i really did. Starting from last year i told myself that i've got to change. I tried being nicer,friendlier and at the same time making people like me. Sometimes i just get so damn frustrated because i feel that everyone hates me. Am i such a mean, unfriendly and stuck up person? Isn't there ANY good in me? 

    I've tried. I still get this shit. I'm tired of hearing rumours about me from time to time. In fact i'm already used to it. Sometimes i just act like nothings wrong. The truth is, it takes a piece out of me every single time. Having someone say that you're a mean and stuck up person, despite knowing that you've tried your very best, do you know how it feels like? Maybe my best isn't good enough. I wonder why. Sometimes i just want to be like everyone else. But i feel like i have a standard to uphold, constantly being under lime light. Somehow people just know me as 'the ah lian'. FUCK THIS. I can't sit here and let people say that about me. Just because you think you're better than me? I've even heard my teacher call me a bimbo. 

Words hurt.

    Yes, it does. All i want to do is be a normal person, but i just get judged all the time. How would you know a person without getting to know them well? You haters just sit on your ass and look down on people. Isn't it just unfair. Is it even fair to say that i want everyone to like me? I don't think so. But at least judge in your head? What have i done to deserve you saying that about me. No one deserves what they have not done. You only get what you deserve.

    If i hurt anyone, i'm sorry. But how bout the people that has hurt me before? They're smiling, i'm not.

    I guess the society just works like this. They judge you based on how well you do academically and how you look. You either live with it for cry over it. I refuse to do so.

I DON'T CARE.

   No, not anymore. Let them think what they think. Haters will always be haters. That bit of criticism that brings them ecstasy, let them be. I'll never stand at their level. I hope they're happy.

GBB

[GARDENS BY THE BAY TRIP]

        Hello there, it's been some time since i've blogged. So, around the start of June my aunt from malaysia came to visit us. Since it was during my holiday, i had to bring her out. I brought her to many places, mostly to shopping places. One of the places i brought them to is Gardens By The Bay. It was also the first time i visited there.

Me & my aunt...

So after visiting the first observatory, we went to the 

second one which was much more fun!

My creeper brother.

Coolest waterfall ever :)

Wonderland maybe?

'toilet shot'

My aunt was actually so scared she held my bro's arm...

Heading to MBS for dinner & stay over.

In the hotel room...

dinner.....

up to the infinity pool i go.

after the swim :)

     Ending this with a rainbow ;)    Talk to ya'll soon, bye!

220413.



Hey, suddenly had the urge to write a post on my life so far. I hope to read this posts when i grow up, hah. This is probably gonna be a very personal post. ughhh.




150198.

I was born on 150198, as the only girl, the youngest girl. For some reason  i had two huge bold spots on my head, lol. My mum told my i wasn't well liked when i was a baby, nobody wanted to carry me :( I still remember sitting on the bed crying cause everybody ignored me... but they still loved me la, just that i'm not 'cute' enough? haha, my third brother was much cuter, although i really look like him. But i remember being pampered by my father, i was a daddy's girl.

Thats me! I think i was 2 or 3 years old? I became cuter, well, thats what i think lol. I was an ugly baby hahahhahaa. My parents said i was a monster hahahaha. I think i looked somehow like a boy, like my brother. But too bad i don't have his pictures. We looked soooo alike. Yeah, me being as chubby as ever. 

Okay, this was when i was in primary 3. Yeah, go ahead and laugh all you want. I looked so different, but thats how it is. I was somehow quiet in school. Didn't really have much friends. I remember staring into the mirror thinking how stupid i looked. I use to spend one hour just to tie my hair before going to school which started at 12pm i think. I wanted to look good. I guess all those hours, nobody would appreciate it. My confidence was at its lowest. I thought that nobody would like me. 

I don't have my primary six photo but i still remember how funny i looked. But at that point of time, it was the trend to act cute lol. ew. Okay, this was when i was at the start of secondary 2. I can't find my secondary one photo... When i went to secondary school, i cared about how i look and change my appearance like 360degrees. I didn't want to look bad anymore. I started to get positive comments on my appearance. But at the same time i always got into trouble with the school for breaking the rules. It's sort of the bad memory at secondary two. I remember being late almost everyday at one point of time. Oh how i hated school. My studies were bad and i had to go for hours of detention. 

Then, as time passed i realised that life is still going to continue, rather just enjoy it and make the best out of it. So i became happy :) Everyone has their ups and downs right?

Heres sera.

Heres saffy.

Heres wai gong.

School.

School.

Eldest brother.

Second brother.

Teehee.

Family.

With the awesomest instructor ever and loves  <3

220413.

Okay, thats all, for now. I hope i don't grow old that fast :( Oh well, bye!